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Preparation Tips

If you choose to negotiate or mediate your divorce or other family law matter, here are some preparation tips.

Consider

You wildest dreams for a great process and outcome
Your worst fears for the process and outcome

Deal With

Your stress in healthy ways (divorce is considered second only to death of a spouse/loss of a child on the scale of stressful life events).

Clarify

Big picture priorities for outcomes
  • Your finances and relationships
  • Your partner's finances and relationships
  • Your children
Big picture priorities for process
  • What process feels most comfortable to you?
  • What kind of support do you need?
  • How can you ask for what you need?

Gather and Develop Information

For dissolution of marriage
  • Inventory and value all property as of a specific date
  • For non-marital portions you many need more documents
  • For assets requiring expert valuation, consider hiring an impartial expert (e.g. real estate, businesses, present value of pensions)
  • Consider how you want to handle household items
Support-related issues
  • Tax returns, paystubs, statements regarding bonus calculations
  • Carefully develop a budget for you foreseeable future
Children
  • Special needs, schedule, activities, health-related regimes and insurance

Identify

Emotionally charged aspects for you
Emotionally charged aspects for you partner
Your own decision-making style
Your partner's decision-making style

Prepare a Communications Plan

Set the tone
Create a vision for the future of the family (if children are involved)
Understand and explain the details
Listen
  • for agreement
  • for a veiled request for acknowledgement
  • for the other's priorities
  • for definite "yeses, nos and maybes"
Respond non-defensively
  • Acknowledge what you heard
  • Clarify
  • Ask helpful questions
Practice; such as role play

Seek Needed Advice

Legal
Financial
Tax
Parenting
Counseling or Therapy
Coaching

Prepare a Decision Making Plan

Determine your priorities
Identify a range of acceptable outcomes for each issue
  • Property and debt division
    Marital
    Non-marital

  • Parenting
    Schedule
    Decision making
    Communication plan
    Legal custody; major decisions
    Physical custody
    Option; parent plan without custody labels
    Use of parenting consultant

  • Child support and/or expense sharing
    Child care costs
    Health care
    Tax Exemptions

  • Spousal Maintenance
    How much?
    How long?
    Karon waiver or no?

  • Life insurance

  • Health Insurance
Benchmarks for unacceptable outcomes

Negotiation or Mediation Logistics

Location and setup, including special needs
Who will be present?
What should you bring?
What ground rules do you need? 		 


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