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Preparation Tips
If you choose to negotiate or mediate your divorce or other family law matter, here are some preparation tips.
Consider
You wildest dreams for a great process and outcome
Your worst fears for the process and outcome
Deal With
Your stress in healthy ways (divorce is considered second only to death of a spouse/loss of a child on the scale of stressful life events).
Clarify
Big picture priorities for outcomes
- Your finances and relationships
- Your partner's finances and relationships
- Your children
Big picture priorities for process
- What process feels most comfortable to you?
- What kind of support do you need?
- How can you ask for what you need?
Gather and Develop Information
For dissolution of marriage
- Inventory and value all property as of a specific date
- For non-marital portions you many need more documents
- For assets requiring expert valuation, consider hiring an impartial expert (e.g. real estate, businesses, present value of pensions)
- Consider how you want to handle household items
Support-related issues
- Tax returns, paystubs, statements regarding bonus calculations
- Carefully develop a budget for you foreseeable future
Children
- Special needs, schedule, activities, health-related regimes and insurance
Identify
Emotionally charged aspects for you
Emotionally charged aspects for you partner
Your own decision-making style
Your partner's decision-making style
Prepare a Communications Plan
Set the tone
Create a vision for the future of the family (if children are involved)
Understand and explain the details
Listen
- for agreement
- for a veiled request for acknowledgement
- for the other's priorities
- for definite "yeses, nos and maybes"
Respond non-defensively
- Acknowledge what you heard
- Clarify
- Ask helpful questions
Practice; such as role play
Seek Needed Advice
Legal
Financial
Tax
Parenting
Counseling or Therapy
Coaching
Prepare a Decision Making Plan
Determine your priorities
Identify a range of acceptable outcomes for each issue
- Property and debt division
Marital
Non-marital
- Parenting
Schedule
Decision making
Communication plan
Legal custody; major decisions
Physical custody
Option; parent plan without custody labels
Use of parenting consultant
- Child support and/or expense sharing
Child care costs
Health care
Tax Exemptions
- Spousal Maintenance
How much?
How long?
Karon waiver or no?
- Life insurance
- Health Insurance
Benchmarks for unacceptable outcomes
Negotiation or Mediation Logistics
Location and setup, including special needs
Who will be present?
What should you bring?
What ground rules do you need?
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